For many nights now, a behemoth Crow cackles in my consciousness. She comes dressed in her classic black, iridescent robes. A daughter of Nyx, dark as soot – her presence equally clingy within my inhaling mind.
Always in moments like these I wonder about the concept of dreaming within dreams, which prompts me to consider reality – and this all leads to a chain-reaction of odd musings that hurl me off-track from my focus.
And what is my focus?
Oh, yeah – right…the dream…
Did you know Crows are mother figures to the Hopitu-Shinumu Indians? Uh huh. The Crow is one among the Hopi’s legion of Kachinas. It descends in the Winter, spitting out seeds like a Tommy Gun run amok – rapid fire and with widespread dissemination being more important than technical aim. Those seeds represent the promise of the future – the continuation of the tribe.
This makes sense. In the span of one month, two mother-figures in my life have left this physical life. Good for them. But, not-so-good for those of us left behind dealing with the sucking black holes of our separation-issues.
Since these so-called “deaths” of important mother-figures in my life, the Onyx Crow keeps cawing in my dreams, and her symbolism keeps shifting, twisting, morphing. That’s typical. It’s the Crow way to be elusive. She makes us work for meaning. We must earn the epiphanies. In this way, our understanding of her presence becomes substantial – galvanized in our psyche. The lessons learned from the Crow are solid, permanent.
She is shrill and course in her speech. Her voice pierces like a big-tooth saw heaving through stainless steel, rendering an unearthy sound – metallic, jagged, like reverberating insanity. Of course, it’s an attention-grabbing technique. I’ve been numb. -Nothing like an other-world “rebel yell” to get one’s attention.
It works. I become lucid within the dream, the spectral body sits up bolt-straight.
Now that she has my attention, the Crow stills her ripping cackles and shits a pearl in my left hand. Yes, you read that right.
I borrow hope from the Hopi, interpreting this Crow as a Mother come to rattle my attention until the numb-fluffs are shaken off.
This interpretive approach is underscored by the presence of that white-bright lustery pearl. In Chinese symbology, pearls are very yin. They are associated with water, the moon and feminine themes. I like how pearls are born from an oceanic womb – dark as night, just like my Mother Crow.
I also appreciate how pearls are wrought into existence via a defense mechanism. Pearls are formed as a response to an irritant or parasitic invasion upon the mollusk.
This makes sense in context of my recent mental states. Tons of intruders in the form of rogue emotions/memories/mental frenzies have invaded my space as a result of these recent “deaths.”
I keep my interpretations of this dream rather loose, because I know my Obsidian Compatriot – that crazy Mother Crow will tweak my perception again. She is every inch a task-master in spiritual learning. I also know her pearl-pooping symbolism will morph in meaning too.
A prime point to be taken away from this post is this: Sometimes a dream interpretation is far from succinct. Pat answers simply will not apply to certain dreams/experiences.
There are times when waking and dreaming life coalesce in a weird crockpot, and the symbolic flavors must stew over time before any real sense can be made of any of it.
That’s a tough pill to swallow for some of us. In this instant-download-push-button-get-it-now world, the concept of waiting for a big picture to formulate does not sit well. But wait we must. Sometimes that’s the only option: Patience in the process, and faith in knowing illumination will come when it’s damn good and ready (and of course, when we are ready to receive).
Other stuff:
Six Steps to Interpreting Dreams
Deepest appreciations to you for sharing such raw emotive thoughts on the passing of your mothers, love to you
I was trying to find a saying that was told to me years ago, I don’t remember it quite well and was not able to find it though I can put the essence of it into words and you likely even know it in complete context as well the origin “when mother earth is full of seed, walk gently, wear moccasins”
Ironically via a Facebook friend of mine Hanspeter Höpperger the following comes your way (was his status yesterday):
Osho quote courtesy Suryanarayana Raju: “Let’s say, your holiness, that you die tomorrow. A flower blooms on your grave after a few days. A cow comes and eats the flower. The next morning the cow has a good shit. I go for a walk, see the shit and say, Ah, your holiness, you haven’t changed a bit!”
Hanspeter comments “…it’s a gem…”
A great sense of humor leaves trails of salt on our flesh,
Upon learning of your loss via your beautiful way of expressing yourself… blinking back the tears of a smile
Lissa
LOVE THIS! Crows are also cross eyed and they speak to us of love, law and justice beyond our human constructs. We are death walkers and dream dancers and what we are seeing as dance cues from our partners in this spun reality is new learnings. As long as we are present all is well, to it all, all the flurry of emotions and confusion. You are there in a growing of reflection for your “Ma-hood” I know because of this “Pa-hood” growing in me;-) The dreams are as living as us because they do shift and grow with us. Thank you for sharing your story and I look forward to more! xoxo
another thought about the rogue emotions and the pearl metaphor. this tops the list of “things they don’t tell you when you are giving birth…or processing the death of a loved one.” These “rogue” thoughts are fluffed up for dying. They are gifts. These are our birthed thoughts we can let go of with the death process. They are loss of control, loss of safety, loss of loved ones and security. And pearls of wisdom to see that is what they are. Now that I am safely on the other side, I am blessing even them. The waiting is right. And since I actually saw a woman who looked exactly like my own Grandmother who was named Pearl today on the street and just remembered that now…well my dear Avia…confirmation. Blessings+Love+Respect for the Ma’s!
My condolences for your loss. I saw your post on the porcupine when your mother-in-law passed away. Now this post.
Your methods are odd to me, (I’m Catholic) but even so, somehow I understand what you mean.
I lost my biological mother last month. The feelings that have come up since her dying have been impossible at times to handle.
I find myself looking for anything and everything to muffle the pain. I started drinking again.
Then I read you are a recoving alcoholic. That made me feel like a shit hook (not your fault) – you know…like you were some kind of saint who could endure all this crap and still stay sober. While here I am, some poor schmuck who grovels along – and turns back to booze to escape or at least minimize the pain.
Whatever. I don’t really know what I’m saying. I guess you can understand that.
Anyway, I guess I am trying to thank you for what you are doing.
both pearls and crows/ravens share
a mutual quality when examined in the light. they reflect rainbow rays subtly, gently, magically.
may i share the same wise
council you gave to me yrs. ago when I lost an unborn granddaughter?
Energy of a loved one is not gone, only transformed. regardless of the
changes…you still have the full “spectrum” of their love.
(and my <3 too!)
I also extend thanks for the other
comments expressed here. they are insightful and engaging.
Beautiful website and work by the way….
Thought I’d share this with you:
A little over a month and a half ago, I was driving home (two blocks away between 3-5pm) and in the middle of the road,
was an owl. I came to a screeching stop. No cars in front of me or behind me – just me and the owl. A beautiful creature it was…
It appeared gray and black – My car was probably 30-40 feet from it. All I recall was it staring straight at me.
Then it opened it’s wings (huge wing-spand)flew towards me for a split second and flew up and away….
I made nothing of it, except that it was strange. I did some research and discovered that the colors it wore (gray & black)
represent what is called the Great Gray Owl. Anyway… I just returned back to home yesterday afternoon from a great weekend intuition seminar…. and from about 10pm until about 4am guess what was in my back yard screeching?
An Owl indeed.. I’m presuming the same one I saw, ironically enough. I’m interested in your thoughts/symbolism, specific to my description please! I know this isn’t the right area to post this comment so please forgive. Again, thanks in advance –
Iroxin,
I also had encounter with Owl many years ago. I was out feeding my animals and an owl swept out from a branch of a tree and came right over my bent head, so that I felt the force of the air from its great wings. I knew that Owl sometimes meant a death, but also knew that death is High Transformation, and took it as such. Yes my life took on a deeply spiritual transformation, which has been a magnificent journey.
During the same time-period, I also had several other encounters with owl.
Thought I’d comment to reassure you.
Hello, Avia — Honoring your spiritual mother on her yahrzeit. Blessings to her, and to you, for all spiritual mentors who open up the world for/to us. Thank you for your precious teachings. With love!